Taking back my love, ♥

Life's short.

2011-01-31T22:38:00.002+08:00

Yes indeed.

So aren't we supposed to live life to the fullest, making happiness the key thing?
I am not sure right now, because things always get so complicated and messed up.

Why cant we forgive faster, embrace happy moments & minimize unhappy moments?

Me, for me.

2010-10-04T13:59:00.001+08:00

"You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there."

- Bob Marley

Promise in the dark

2010-06-23T13:54:00.000+08:00

Can’t count on you most of all when I really need it
It’s the simple things that you do, really hurt my feelings
The more I try, the more I’m starting to see it
This can’t work anymore, than you believe it

Goodbye may come as a shock
Even though I love you a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe

And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

I just don’t know what the problem is, what the deal is
Was I there too much, did I move too fast, I couldn’t see it?
All these promises are probably how you deal with it
I’m tired of hearing you say your innocent

Don’t think I forgot
Because I really didn’t care if you’re lying a lot
I’ve given every breath I’ve got
Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe

And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

We all make mistakes
Sometimes we do desperate things
What does it prove? NOTHING
And you never do nothing wrong

Then what took you so long, took you so long
Cuz I keep, keep hanging on, keep, keep hanging on

And how many times I gave my heart
To how many times we fell apart
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

And how many times I gave you me
Divided by so many memories
And it equals
A promise in the dark
So don’t promise me

So don’t promise me
So don’t promise me

General,

2010-06-20T13:39:00.002+08:00

Not everything u did out of the verge of anger will make you happy, there's a price to pay, consequences to face.
A moment of folly, a moment of satisfaction.
When you thought those had made you happy, you didn't realize how much it'd hurt as well.
When you thought you boldly done it, when you thought it could have made u felt better.
It all turned out otherwise.

All of us have got lessons to learn in life.
Some harsh, some easy, some effortlessly easy,
So please, when you wanna do smth,
consider the kinda consequences and heartache u might bring to yourself & others.

All this,
I am saying it on a general term, not directing.
And, i wouldn't deny,
I've got a lot to learn as well.

Peace out.

Give me a break.

2010-06-18T09:09:00.004+08:00

i cant make sense out of your logic,
because i still feel those are just excuses.
you dont preach what you say,
promises are really meant to be broken anyway.

all this will come to an end.
give me a happy pill.

I need to wake up to something happy,

2010-06-10T12:58:00.004+08:00

i don't want you to take advantage
of everything that i've given the 'yes' sign.

PMS.
yes i believed that's what's making me all angsty & upset at everyone.
i need a happy pill.

Making choices.

2010-06-07T22:09:00.002+08:00

we shall both put in effort then.
you do your part & i'll do mine.
maybe its not as bad as i thought,
i am gonna give you & me more time to deal with all this.

i want to hold a special part in your heart,
where i've your heart & soul when you're with me.

Low low low~

2010-06-01T12:44:00.004+08:00

this is gonna be a self-reflection entry,
you can skip it if you dont feel like reading :)

i feel like im at the lowest peak of my life now, but seriously im aware that im the one who's making myself feel so miserable. well, life goes on i know, and i shouldnt dwell into this for too long. now i'm only hoping that from now till the 20th june, miracles can happen. i would really jump for joy, but the chances are quite slim. however, i am gonna have faith for one last time. on the other hand, i really have to be prepared to handle another round of setbacks.

yes, its an issue to prove how strong i am when such things happened.
true enough, i broke down.
this just proves that im still not strong enough.

its true sometimes there's a need for someone to be harsh on you before you can step out of your comfort zone. yes, it might be me that's taking way too slow to realise all this but sometimes i do really yearn for a lil comfort before any form of words were being thrown unto me. although i understand why sometimes such situation happens, i do still feel i deserve a lil better.

time & time again, i see things in a different prospect. i know its all for my own good, but im always not given a longer time to prove ive been trying and am willing to change.

i know what i want in life, i know there's a need for me to be determined, and i need to motivate myself. who doesnt have to enter this phase of life im facing now? i know definitely there're people out there who is feeling the same. but i havent show signs that ive given up, did i?

maybe i really have to learn how to counter situations like this when my plans dont go according to what i expected.
it isnt too hard to re-plan my stuffs,
all i need is settle my own emotions, i definitely know, i just need a tiny-whiny bit of time to chuck it aside.

its not about the companion of having someone to go to school with.
if thats the case, next intake i could still have my bff, so why do i get upset?

things i thought would happen didnt happen,
but i am still thankful for the words that woke me up from my self-denial mode.

the growing up phase isnt easy, but of course i am gonna fight through it.
school, work, money, driving license, emotions, setbacks, problems, balancing of life etc.

i thank god im seeing my girlies tonight,
cooling period for me as well.

i'm still hoping :)
i'll be fine, am already accepting it.

-
but what still upsets me is,
why do you have to hide your own feelings from me?
do i not worth your time to share it with me?
or i am just not the person you wanna share your sorrows with?
or is it that it wont make a difference sharing it with me or not?
then, the question is, what am i to you?
cant i be there for you?

Leona Lewis ♥

2010-05-25T14:50:00.003+08:00

My hands,

Broken,

Cant breathe,

Dont miss this out!

2010-05-12T15:46:00.004+08:00

pretty isnt it? :)
loving it just as much as i love it?
then what you waiting for?

keep a lookout at,
http://herwalkincloset.livejournal.com/
http://herwalkincloset.livejournal.com/5545.html#cutid1

go go
support support!
you wont regret it! :D

Dream a lil dream

2010-05-09T22:03:00.004+08:00

its always good to have big dreams isnt it? :)

i feel so happy after talking to emily,
its as though ive grown from within.
okay lets shall not exaggerate too much,
i am still not sure how far i can go about sticking to my financial plan.
but im really gonna try this time round :D

so lets say if i really can do it,
i make sure,
i wanna be a successful person in the future.
NU QIANG REN ! :]

- a good educational cert,
- a wonderful family,
- a loving husband,
- wonderful kids,
- a stable career/business,
- owns a car,
- owns a comfy apartment,
- able to provide for my parents,
- able to give my best for my family,
- good savings

maybe there's more to this list,
but i guess, it'd be awesome if i really can 'check' all this in the future :)

SAVE MORE NOW!
LOOKING AHEAD TO A BRIGHTER FUTURE!
WISH ME LUCK.
IM GONNA MOTIVATE MYSELF! :D

Key to my heart,

2010-05-09T16:11:00.001+08:00

Needs/Wants?

2010-05-05T13:18:00.005+08:00

iphone
netbook
a pair of new flats/pumps
a new bag

hiak hiak~
money drop from the sky please.

needa save around $500 a month after i start work.
possible or not? ):
looking at the rate im online shopping, i think its quite hard.
how how how?
so hard to control!

2 of my 7 loots are here,
pretty pretty i like! :D
all i need to do now is,
GAIN WEIGHT.

looking at the this picture,
i think i really look like a skeleton );

look at the arm, the chin, the cheeks, the fingers/knuckles ):
so pathetic lah! all no flesh ):

anyway im so not looking forward to the 23rd.
dont ask me why, i'm still having mix feelings about it ):
3months will pass fast? hopefully.

P.S - i wish i dont have to grow up.
uni study loan, poly cpf loan, netbook installment, car license, paying of bills, feeding on my own income ):

Before & After

2010-04-30T11:24:00.004+08:00

im bored,
so here goes (:

are you amazed?
are you frightened?

hahaa it looks scary to me at first,
and i guess for my case, it was the longest segment they'd ever amended to make it straight again - its T5 to L1'
whichever staff nurse or doc that seen my scar, they'd comment "wow quite long uh"
well, this scar & the metal implants stays with me forever,
and looking at it positively,
its all for the better & ive brave through it :)

shiok shiok shiok! :D

2010-04-27T16:31:00.003+08:00

im broke, but still feels happy.
when im well, ive more pretty clothes to wear :)
wheeee hooo!!
ive got 3 items from Eils :)
my bff calls me stupid but i still love her heaps.
see, i so nice, where to find?

i am so excited about my loots,
7 of them!!
shiok shiok shiok!!

okay better write it down before i lose track of all of them and my $$ flies ;p
HWC french lace tunic
HWC tri colour toga
HWC mini floral bodycon
RWB golden buttons highwaist shorts BO
HH lace overlay spaghetti top summer yellow BO
HH summer romper lilac
LP peaches & cream dress

gonna stop buying for now. hhehe.
if not im gonna starve the next one month since my MC ends on 24th May which means i would have no source of income from work.

still,
im a happy girl! :)
xoxo.

Enough is enough.

2010-04-25T15:55:00.000+08:00

it all doesnt make sense anymore.
i give up,
why not try feeling my agony?

Thankful, ♥

2010-04-20T16:46:00.008+08:00

at the side of my bed, as though telling me;

"Get Well Soon" :)

okay back to topic,

on my actual bday though i'd to spend it at home, most of the time lying on bed & the most tragic thing tt happened was having to faint on my bday.

still, im thankful.

thankful for the surprise bday cake, surprise lil gifts & the coordinating with my mom to ask my bro&family to come over to celebrate with me :)

i'd appreciate that.

im still waiting for my big gift though, wahahhaha!

beware, i look horrible, ): what to do, patient what ;p

my lil gifts, (:

& of course, not forgetting my BFF,
who wrote a post specially for me :)

it was totally hilarious, it brighten up my day definitely.

love you!

as well as, AA & LXL actually send me a parcel just in time for my bday!!

im so happy! they're so thoughtful!!

lastly, thankew everyone for all the bday wishes! :)
i'm more than contented though the day was spent simple. hhehe.
& again, i wanna thank those ppl who attended my bday party, you all made my 21st bday a blast!! :)

gonna work on recovery!
cant wait to hang out and watch movies!! ;p
next up will be time for school & work.
cant wait, hurray!
live my life to the fullest, must! :)

off to read 'Dear John', & when ive finished it, its time to read this 2 books again, they both hold too much of memories! (: oh or maybe 'The Last Song' & 'Remember Me' too. hehhee

xoxo
ciaos.

I miss,

2010-04-16T15:40:00.001+08:00

when my world falls apart,
would you come catch me?

19th & 20th birthday was spent awesome.
21st party was awesome as well.
what about my actual bday this year?

2010-04-16T12:55:00.000+08:00

CANNOT

TAKE

ANYMORE!

I wanna look into your eyes again,

2010-04-15T17:27:00.002+08:00

back to square one,
this shouldnt be the way,
return that fantasy to me.

how do i convey,
how do i find my way back there.

it feels like a dream to me now.

Awwwww

2010-04-14T13:36:00.002+08:00

i wanna watch so many movies!
but i cant sit for long ): boooooooo.

Date Night
Remember Me
Shutter Island
Monga
Iron Man 2
IP Man 2
Last Song
Sex & the City 2

Stay strong,

2010-04-13T14:36:00.004+08:00

i'm glad i brave through it!! :D
lost a few kgs, lost plenty of fats.
ahhahaa, now im left with skin & bones literally.
many many thanks to those who made time to come visit me, texted/called me to show concern, bought me tonic & etc.
really really appreciate it!!

now im 3cm taller,
but still walks like a robot at this pt of time.
hahaaa, :D
its okay, endure and soon evrything will be back to normal!
cant wait to see the xray films of my straight spine, wanna compare it with the previous curve spine. hhehee :D:D:D

sometimes when i am lying staring blankly at the ceiling,
thousands of thoughts run through my mind.
is it all worthwhile to trouble myself with all this thoughts when i clearly know whats the outcome.
silly as usual,
whatever it is,
speedy recovery to myself!!!

cant wait for saturday!
though i'd most probably lie in bed to celebrate.
but im glad i'd a blast 21st bday celebration earlier on :D
thank you all!!

ciaos.
xoxo.

Scars,

2010-04-03T18:23:00.003+08:00

That was then,

2010-04-03T17:09:00.009+08:00

You were worth the fight, but I couldn’t fight forever.
Now all i need;

21st bday party is over, now all im counting down to is the crucial thing on Tuesday.
I wanna get it over and done with, please let there be no complications. Must have faith in myself & the doc, must must must!!!

Some piccas from the party,
there's more over @ fb :)
Thank you everyone for taking time to attend my party.
Really appreciate it alot!
Thanks for the gifts that all of you specially chosen for me, as well as the red packets.

Special thanks to bff & bf for coming early to help me deco the place!! :D
& my personal photographers; Eils and Steven.

FAMILY

RELATIVES

COUSINS

PRIMARY SCHOOL MATE

BFF

SECONDARY SCHOOL MATES

H.E.L.P

XOXO

EMILY & CO.

SISTERS

W66P

OHMQ

ANT & GF

BF & BARRY

SEBASTIAN

STEVEN & EILS

BF& ME

gonna stop my work for a month or so,
really thankful i've got a nice boss who is so ever understanding.

lastly,
i miss daddy so so much!
come back soon! :)

ciaos.
xoxo.

Nothing, Something, Everything?

2010-03-24T12:17:00.004+08:00

"Truth: you can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel."

"Love's about understanding the other person. Being there for them, talking for hours; making each others’ dreams come true, being in love and not needing anything to keep it worthwhile."
/via (eletheowl.tumblr)

-
2 more days to smth unbearable,
3 more days to the party,
2 more weeks to the crucial thing.

its sucha bad timing to fall sick seriously.
sometimes it irks me how bad an employee i am due to the fact of my weak body.
on a side note, trying to convince myself, maybe im born to be a tai-tai, just maybe -.-

i start to dream big.
now that i finally have smth running through my mind,
ive to wait patiently till i fully recover before i can walk towards my dreams.
uni application all done.
party stuffs all prepared, okay mostly.
please bless me that the crucial thing will go smoothly,
pray pray pray!!
i've got so many things in life that ive not achieved yet.

degree,
license,
clearing all study loans.
my 5digits bank acct,
my childcare centre,
my volkswagen,
my dream house,
my very own family,
my utmost happy future with everyone precious ard me.

all this are inspired by mr soh,
his daily financial planning makes me wanna be someone worthy living in this planet.
i'm gonna plan mine too (:
shall use the shortest year to pay back my study loan.
pray pray pray!!!
hopefully 6years im gonna see some results :D:D

okay dreaming big,
full stop for now.
next up, ways to make my dreams come true ;p

gonna pop pills and see what i can do for today.
sick but no excuse to waste my day away.

xoxoxo.
ciaos.

You need to know.

2010-03-15T12:52:00.002+08:00

If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with.

You are falling in love with my insecurities, and my obsession with trying to figure out what everyone thinks of me. You are falling in love with my immaturity, my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my troubled past, and my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me.

But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, despite my thinking that it is impossible.

/via (Eletheowl.tumblr)

*

2010-03-12T13:01:00.002+08:00

I have to stop desiring for certain answers.

So true,

2010-03-08T13:43:00.001+08:00

ke yi bu yao pian wo ma?

ke yi zai ye bu ying man wo ma?

21yo.

2010-03-08T13:34:00.005+08:00

im blogging in the office,
this is how free i am.
im sure this comfort zone will definitely have a change in awhile.
so i better make full use of it now before i complain about how busy i am ltr on.
thank god that mommy accompanied me for lunch, if not i'd prolly die of hunger!
i hope to see things get better in the office.
although i might be here only for a mnth, since ive to go through my major op in april, but i still hope ive a good experience in this new environment :)

hahaha im always this contradicting.
peiru grow up lehhhhhh~ ;p

i cant believe i failed.
now ive to go for 4 compulsory revision lessons,
$240 leh not cheap!!
peiruuuuuuuuu this is bad.
and another $160 for the test!!!
$400 leh, stupid why fail ):
now ive got one more thing lingering on the checklist!!!
arghhh so angry with myself seriously!!!

party stuffs almost done,
thank you for pushing me to get things done.

so since, i cant get any slots for the next tp any earlier than april,
now ive to prioritise & do other stuffs first.
apply for uni!!! :D

okay gtg find some other stuffs to do before boss comes back with work for me to do.
ciaos, hurry 5pm! :)

-
different level of significance,
different kind of treatment.
everything about me can be put on-hold,
but that one thing always has your priority.

Dont ask.

2010-03-04T08:20:00.005+08:00

when will that 'one fine day' come?
its tiring me out, seriously.
give me a reason to believe.
i wanna voice it out, but i dont wanna make it worst.
i dont wanna remind you.

i thought it'd get better, but it didnt.
i think my life is in a mess now.
i choke on my own assumptions.

tell me its only pms acting up because i cant find any other better reasons.
suddenly, i just wanna sleep my life away.
suddenly, i just hope my spine miraculously becomes straight.
suddenly... so many suddenly(s).

i think im afraid to face up to reality.
i hate to see changes.

ciaos.
what a way to start off a morning by emoing.
remember, dont ask.

I never told you,

2010-02-25T14:20:00.005+08:00

here's a song,

that becomes a current love of me & carrieneo.

i shall share it with all you :)

totallly no link with the above,

so dont get the wrong idea.

I Never Told You Lyrics- Colbie Caillat

-
I miss those blue eyes, how you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there's no sunrise, like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
But I never told you
I just held it in

And now, I miss everything about you
I can't believe that I still want you
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you

I see your blue eyes, everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to, when I'm not around you
It's like I'm not with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in

And now, I miss everything about you (still you're gone)
I can't believe that I still want you (and loving you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in

And now, I miss everything about you (still you're gone)
I can't believe that I still want you (and loving you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you, without you

this is cute,

2010-02-25T02:21:00.001+08:00

Spare me,

2010-02-22T21:01:00.003+08:00

i think i must have lost my mind.
i keep assuming there's still smth going on.
whatever it is,
dont lie,
dont hide.
i'd appreciate.

Keep forgetting,

2010-02-22T16:51:00.002+08:00

All of this relates,

2010-02-22T15:43:00.005+08:00

" If you’re not happy with the person you’re with, don’t stay with them. You’re not magically going to wake up one morning and decide you’re going to be happy again. Someone makes you that way. Find the someone that makes you happy. "

" You close your eyes when you cry. That’s ok. Just don’t keep them closed too long. Things have become beautiful since you last looked. There’s nothing more to cry about."

"To tell you the truth, I still wonder every now and then how we ended up this way"

"It’s easy to forget things you want to remember. It’s hard to forget things you don’t want to remember"

"If you keep clinging onto the past, you're not allowing both of you to speed up the moving on phase; sometimes you ought to be harsh, regardless who was at fault."

"Run, and leave it all behind, would you?"

/via (P.heartache.tumbr)

/via (Saltwaterroom.tumblr)

Losing faith,

2010-02-22T09:29:00.000+08:00

this isn't how i want the night to end.
i don't know what to do now,
i can never promise that this emotional outburst won't happen again, and i know i'd still be twirling around my thoughts when you're around.

I tried to understand, I tried to see it positively, but I always failed in this aspect.
I lose my composure each time the same issue surfaces.

Now I've 1week to make my choice.
I hope I make it wise.

My heart smiles,

2010-02-18T10:31:00.025+08:00

"Waking up to something sweet, trying to lengthen the companion of each other by snoozing the alarm, leaving with a kiss on the forehead. This is what i call, perfect morning."

i am elated!
today's a blissful day,
thanks to my lovely family & kscz,
or prolly i should say, daddy :)

chinese new year was awesome!!
it was well-balanced!! :)
met xoxoxo, w66p, most imptly all my awesome relatives & cousins!

pics spam! ;p

♥

they'll never be replaced, incl grandma (:

my angels :*)

cousins ftw!! much loves!!

♥

my xoxoxox loves! :D:D

♥

lover girlssssss :D

♥

my valentine :)

P.S: i love surprises! thank you, chusss*

more meetup & activities to come!
cant wait! but first i needa prioritise my stuffs & get them done first before i let the fun set in!! wheeee whooooo.
1 week without kscz, hmmpfs outfield!! :@

hope that everything goes well on monday!!
& please please let me pass TP on first attempt!!

thats all folks.
ciaos.
xoxo.

The pain will go, the scar will heal.

2010-02-11T15:17:00.005+08:00

"Before, my fear was being vulnerable. The ability of another human being to possibly tear apart your insides at any moment was enough to keep me running. He, however, made my insides come alive, my smile become permanent, laughter more frequent - he took away my fear and gave me hope. But more importantly, for the first time in my life, instead of wanting to run, he gave me every reason to stay."

/via (Runawaytrain.tumblr)

point-form fun.

- so many things to do, so lil time
- so many things to buy, so lil cash
- so many things to prepare for my 21st, busy busy! who's willing to help? awww.
- yet to pack my room
- not really excited about cny
- that big pimple needs to heal in 3days. arghhh freaking big lol.
- rmit or unisim?
- totally cant wait for TP, must pass!!
- still worried about the OP.
- needa get over the fact that mr bf might not be studying with me, will be busier after cny, leaving for thai soon, ):
- am glad he'd still be there during my recovery period.

off to eat my brunch,
hopefully there's time to craft my invitation cards.
& paint my nails.
needa reach at 7pm!!
okay i reckon that i wont be able to make it. hah!

ciaos.

Life; ups & downs.

2010-02-07T20:28:00.007+08:00

"If everything was always smooth and perfect, you’d get too used to that, you know? You have to have a little bit of disorganization now and then, otherwise you’ll never really enjoy it when things go right."

/via (Eletheowl.tumblr)

-
i really shouldnt have always look at things so negatively & end up making myself feel so miserable. its time to see things in a positive way and not expecting the worst.
must not have the feel that 'i'm admitting defeat even without a fighting a war'.

htht is always awesome although tears always play a part in it.
but sometimes you really need someone to share your thoughts & give you some opinions.

i might have nod my head or said that i've understand.
but deep down, i know my thoughts are still in a whirlwind mess.
however, im gonna tell myself that it will get better as time goes by.
slowly one by one, im gonna get my check-list all checked.

although i really hate starting and adapting a new phase of life,
but still, i have to face it.
stop avoiding & face up to reality.
be independent, & keeping in mind that 'change is the only thing constant in life'

although things might be different,
but still, ive to learn from it & enjoy it in a different aspect.

i will be fine :)
life will be better,
the rainbow will appear.

just remember, i'll be there for you as well.
thank you mr bf.
& i hope things gonna get better.

& lastly, eils babe,
you've to be strong!
i love you long time ♥

Do we?

2010-02-05T00:29:00.000+08:00

I think we spend too much time wondering why we’re not good enough. We spend too much time overanalyzing, over-thinking, and overreacting. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, so much that we don’t ever stop to see that well, we are good enough. You are good enough. Always remember that.

/via (runaway.tumblr)

This is ME.

2010-02-04T23:37:00.003+08:00

expectations;
you've yours,
i've mine.

passive & active,
you taught me this.
i kept that in mine.
i hope you do so too.

Hidden.

2010-02-01T13:56:00.003+08:00

linger?
haunting?
over?

You're my light in the darkness, breathing hope of a new life

2010-01-31T12:38:00.004+08:00

give all your hope to me.

i'm trying to look strong,
but deep down, i need more than this
dont make me seem insignificant to you.
am i not on the priority list as compared to the many things u have to deal with?
sometimes i avoid, i never wanna try creating a topic to talk to you with fear to know how small a part i play in your life.
or do you not show?
if thats the case, i'd like to be freed.
freed from all this doubts and assumptions i made.

-

yes this is how horrifying it looks now.
& so, im only left with 1 choice.

i tried to brush it off,
to think positive.

maybe ive reached the point of my life that requires me to really be strong, be independent.
maybe its time i think deep enough about what i really want in life.
maybe it has made clearer now that my life is getting more challenging.
maybe god planned it this way, he wants me to learn.

i wanted to give up everything around me when i heard of this.
i forced a smile, i joked, telling you everything is fine.
but deep down, my heart is weeping.
i really wonder why do i have so much health issues.

gonna make good use of this 2months before this crucial thing.
now that this is finally decided,
i ought to prioritise my stuffs properly.

1. TP
2. Advance 21st Birthday Celebration
3. OP
4. PT SIM Business Mngt
5. Work when everything's stable.

i so wanna go Genting & Sentosa, play all the rides again before i cant do so.
& curb all my cravings before the crucial thing.
most imptly, i really pin high hopes on no. 1 - 3!!

i am praying hard,
that everything goes fine.

P.S: be my perfect lullaby.

More happy moments please!

2010-01-26T16:50:00.003+08:00

Jan happenings;
this is yet another late post,
hehee but im still smiling to myself when i thought of it :)
will post piccas when i have them.

♥ lance's wedding & time spent with CPF colleagues.
♥ a day spend with nieces & ks
♥ dayout with carrie sweet
♥ happy days; prawning, activities, meetups etc.
♥ happy 1st!
♥ making of mango sago dessert!

anyway, i miss so many people!!
1) my xoxoxo, but im too caught up with friday's hospital appt & am too broke to club. sigh! any alternatives babes?
2) my cousins, and i shall meet up with carrie one of this days in the weekdays and the rest on sunday!
3) my w66p clique, gonna plan another outing asap, miss them alr, since the last meet up i blew up cause i was unwell.
4) emily&co, gonna go plan a meetup soon as well! :)
5) colleagues, shall see when im free to meet them for lunch, miss golden bridge's fish soup!

on a happier note, tmr's last lesson for driving.
but its more like a mock TP test.
so wish me luck!! :)

alright, friday please go well!
but i know its still more likely that the OP will be the best decision ):

ciaos,
hopefully feb will be a better month!
a new phase of life after friday's decision.

Memories?

2010-01-12T19:40:00.000+08:00

To forget is just an interpretation. An immeasurable love’s memories can never be wiped off. Time doesn’t devour memories: It just slowly, painfully converts it into fragments of a dream. Occasionally, something will spark the wrath of the dream, and the dream will alter into a memory again.

This is life, and it can be a struggle sometimes.

2010-01-07T22:38:00.001+08:00

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and changing a soul. And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead… and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. So you plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and that you really do have worth… and with every goodbye, you learn.

/via Runwaytrain

Hello 2010, Goodbye 2009.

2010-01-02T16:31:00.008+08:00

heart as one,
everything can be solved.
they say its no point crying,
because it doesnt help to lighten the load.
so, i'm gonna be strong.
be on my own,
step out,
make them proud.

2010 gonna be a better year i hope!
forget about new year resolutions because i will never ever fulfill them.
but im gonna make it fruitful, must!
i wont be reflecting much on 2009 here,
if not i am sure im gonna bore all of you with a whole chunk of words.
however, in short, i wont be committing the same mistakes i did in 2009.
no more regrets, or whatsoever (:

(just wanna be happy)

4issues always hindering me,

but im gonna checked them out one by one.

independence baby, i can do it!

go go go!

anyway im very much into psychology now,

no idea why, but many are telling me its not easy.

so should i go ahead or should i continue the thought of studying business related stuffs?

or should i teach? hehhee.

sometimes this topic makes me excited but yet, stress.

no reflection like i said,

but still, i wanna end this with.

i love my family, my cousins/relatives, friends.

in case i miss out any, in short,

i simply love all my love ones!

P.S i like how my hair colour is turning red (:

Give me peace, please?

2009-12-30T12:56:00.015+08:00

i have been bothered by so many issues recently.
gonna suffocate very soon ):
happy times doesnt stays,
& bad times/memories/situation just keep haunting me.
i dont wanna end 2009 this way.
upset but true, i am gonna start 2010 in an unhappy manner too ):

what's next year gonna be like when so many things have to be pushed back?
hate it when things strucks me and i lose all the drive to continue striving.
i have to be strong, its time i get on my feet.
no more getting back to square one,
i repeat, no more!
but like what many says, as long as you stay bonded as one,
plenty of things can be solved rationally.
i really hope so.

-
this picture post came late, pardon me.
meetup with emily&co was awesome.
reuben's bdae celebration was awesome as well, w66p hurray!
bff's bdae celebration was mad love too, xoxoxo ftw!
bonding with cousins & relatives, spells l-o-v-e!

xmas was great, very well balanced (:
♥

thankful for all this,
at least those upsetting stuffs didnt surface when im with them (:

sem 1 classmates! :]
& yes, we still meet up & have endless topics.
much loves too, meet up soon!

♥

w66p united as one! (:

so many months had passed after we've graduated,

and we're still this close.

i must say, you guys are really the best!
meet up soon!

♥

'kope' pics from jas :]

my xoxoxo clique, i cant live without.

loveloves much.

cant wait to see you girlies later (:

♥

i love them, because we go through thick&thin tgt
what's most impt is, the love we shared (:
they're the ones who nvr fails to make me feel better

& they certainly seen my craziest side.

i love you all!

maternal side relatives ftw! :]

♥

splendid views on xmas (:

♥

lastly,

i wanna thank my cousins, bff, vivi, lqh, ks.

for being there for me during this tough period (:

Its a heartbreaking situation.

2009-12-19T16:02:00.004+08:00

i dont voice out doesnt mean i am not affected.
i dont like seeing everything thumbling down just like that.
i cannot imagine how's life gonna be.
where so many things have to be pushed back.
everything cant go according to plan.
i am tired, tired of things happening around me.
even more tired of life right at this point.
i need peace,
i just feel like being alone for a lil while.

2009 is quite a bad year.
i hope 2010 will be a better year.
i am not looking forward to xmas seriously.

i am finally home for dinner after so many days.

i am going broke, very very broke.

this is a bad sign, because i need to prepare so many ppl's xmas gift ):

life is full of ups & downs.

ive been experiencing plenty of happy stuffs.

but happy moments doesnt last.

so i am very much stucked in between of no where.

i just wanna be happy seriously.

will update about my weekends when i feel better.

lastly,

ADVANCE HAPPY BIRTHDAY BFF!

LOVE YOU LONG TIME.

I dont need you to know,

2009-12-05T12:57:00.004+08:00

but you still did.
dont know why/how,
being me, i will still return a word of thanks.

certainly, nightmare.

all of you wouldnt want to know how bad/horrifying it is to go through this.

i am thankful ive my family members around.

whenever there's time like this, they're the one who suffers with me too.

they're the ones who understand me the most (:

i wanted to just laugh this off by telling myself,

its quite cool aint it, so many first experiences.

putting on drips, etc etc.

yes i know it sounds silly, but i dont know what other ways should i use to chuck this incident aside.

gotta stop all my late nights and have a balance diet and lead a healthy lifestyle!!

MUST MUST MUST!!!

lastly, i wanna thanks all who showed concern,

esp my relatives, carrie, xoxoxo, vivi, emily, seow, aa and all those on fb (:

missed the party on thurs, and today had to miss my 'newmoon' date!

upset but i guess, i really need this amount of rest afterall (:

will update with pictures the next post when i feel better (:

dayout with emily& co on 28thnov.

P.S; thank you for the vitamin c & card, appreciated!!

P.P.S; i do get mentally drained when ive to keep explaining myself, please do try to understand.

Multi-vit please.

2009-11-24T17:17:00.003+08:00

I feel so retarded now,
wonder why I'm so weak ):
even have to blog while lying on my bed.

Blew up the date with carrie babe,
I am so sorry ):

Mad early in the morning,
the aircon repairman had to come knocking on my door and there, all the drilling starts. Horror! The house was super messy and dust were flying everywhere. I think those dust made my throat felt even worst. Headache!!

I haven't had fainting spells for a very long while, and today I experienced it again ):
Hate this feeling, I think I need a nap.

Okay I know I sound like a whiner now,
but i cant help it ):

4am in the morning,

2009-11-23T04:05:00.004+08:00

yes i am still up.
however, i feel so much better now, as compared to those emotions i was having 2 hours ago when i wrote that previous entry.

whatever i am going to share is going to be something personal.
if you're not interested, i suggest you stop reading starting from this point :)
i dont need nasty comments, but if you've positive ones to share, you're definitely welcome :)

i thank god that ive an elder brother.
he always make me understand & see things from another perspective.
i dont deny sometimes i really dislike sitting down to talk about my future because i always end up giving them a standard answer, & that is "i am still not sure".
now, i dont dislike it as much anymore.
i know what i want, & i definitely know who is on my side.
i am still taking things slowly at a step to ensure that that's what i really want, but at the same time keeping in mind not to use this as an excuse to waste anymore precious time.

well, some people only came to realise what they really want when they're 25 or even 28.
i'm only 20, still considered young, at least to me.
i should really spend time wisely to discover what i really want, isnt it?
it might take me years to discover it, however, while in the process of doing so, i would have already experience alot of different things.
i am sure i will certainly learn something out of it.

reality is harsh,
its hard to accept,
but you really have to find a way.

some learn it through the hard way, and i have to admit i belong to one of them.
i always thank you for making me realised ive neglect alot of things around me, esp kinship. as well as, knowing that ive not push myself enough to realise what i am capable of doing.
i do regret all the mistakes ive made, but i will never let it happen again.
i am taking this as a learning phase.

ever since that incident about poly selection, i realised a big change in me.
i wouldnt want to elaborate further, but thinking of it, its really pretty horrible.
i guess i was just too complacent.
apart from knowing more friends and maybe picking up some new skills during my poly times, i would say other than that, i have wasted 3years of my life.
i could have achieved a better gpa but, i didnt put in my best. (lesson learnt)

there's a great opportunity waiting for me in January & i really hope to see some achievements.
i want to call it my 'New Life'.
i know it sounds cliche, but i guess only my brother and some close friends understands what i meant by that.
its not about making big money, its just that i wanna see myself taking a bigger step to make decisions on my own and achieve something in my life.
i guess, its really important to grab hold of opportunities that are being offered to you.
it doesnt happen all the time, and so, this spirit should always be with you and that is 'NEVER SAY NEVER!' & 'NEVER GIVE UP!' :)

everyone needs a lil` push.
even if people around you doesnt supports you,
bear in mind, your kins will.
well, at least i am thankful that my family are my pillars of support :)
they're always there for me, full of encouragements.
this definitely serves as a form motivation, i swear :)
for now, and always, i am gonna put them first on my list.

life is very unpredictable.
you'll never know what's going to happen, so why not just live everyday as fruitful as possible?
i believed nobody will want to leave this world full of regrets, or even coming to realise that, you didnt make any worthy contributions in life.
am i right?

i really do cherish what i have now.
everything, every single thing :)
because i know i am so much more fortunate compared to some others,
& because i know how it feels to lose someone precious.
i wish that my grandparents can grow old with me, however i know its never possible.
because i understand that someday, everyone will depart from this world.
so i tell myself, as long as they're with me, i'll treasure them :)
at least when the day comes, i will have no regrets.

i really wish my brother and his family wont have to move out.
but i understand this is part & parcel of life, and i definitely am aware that this bond will stay as strong, and stronger as days passes us by :)

to end this post,
i just wanna say,
i love every single one of you that have left footprints in my heart (:
all of you will always be part of me (:
thank you for always staying by me, be it my family, cousins or friends.

xoxo.
♥

Poison

2009-11-23T03:45:00.002+08:00

should i pop panadols again?
my head is spinning like mad ):
today was supposed to be a happy day, it shouldnt end this way.
i'd so much fun bonding with my family, it was awesome.
supposed to go JB for seafood soon, but babysam is sick.
well, i am too anyway ):

my sleeping hours is screwed,
i fell asleep after eating my first dosage at 11plus,
i woke up at god knows what time,
and felt all empty.
i tried to fall back to sleep,
i couldnt.
now i feel hungry, at 4am -.-

all screwed.
what's happening?
i need to tune it back.

as much as i feel something's not right,
i am looking forward to tues, wed, thurs & sat (:
i know they will make me happy.

Girls just wanna have fun ♥

2009-11-21T17:43:00.003+08:00

xoxoxo is love! :D
martini made us go half-drunk.
but seriously, apricot/almond martini sucks to the core.
still, we'd fun.
more after the exam periods :D
RAH-RAH-AH-AH-AH, GAGA-OOH-LA-LA LOL!

lastly, to my dearest babe.

sincere apologies ya!

love you the same!

& it wont happen again (:

It's been lovely,

2009-11-19T23:39:00.001+08:00

to enjoy the present,

because im no longer stuck in my past (:

bought alot alot of things these few days.

hehhee, needa save seriously! ;p

its finally friday tomorrow yay!

no physio, no driving lessons.

but im really glad im meeting all my beloved girlies.

gonna paint my nails!! :D

babychanelle is so cute, she smiled to me twice today!

kids makes me happy!

anyway i really want a miniature white maltese!!

i cant resist them, they're so cute!!

who wants to buy me one? lol.

on a sidenote, its just 5more days.

xoxo.
goodnight.

Kai xin jiu hao (:

2009-11-18T23:29:00.000+08:00

i think its okay to be paranoid sometimes ;p
i am so glad i applied it ytd lol !
if not i cant imagine what will happen to the both of us.
anyway i really enjoy supper session with eils babe. xoxo!

these few days been great! :D
shopping really makes me happy, i get to buy stuffs i likeeeee!
spending time with my family makes me happier!
driving makes me happy too, cant wait to get my license!!!

life's great.
seriously, kai xin jiu hao!
who agrees? :)

lastly, this is how i will look in the future when im a mother of 2 lol lol.

F*ck you.

2009-11-15T23:36:00.005+08:00

the more i think about it,
the more i feel pissed.
seriously she's getting on my nerves!
i think youre the one who needs to reflect!!

i'm mean like that,
whether you like it or not (:

The truth is

2009-11-15T04:01:00.003+08:00

ive never like you.

i put on a mask whenever i see you.
i give you the slightest respect because i dont want to shame you.
so, dont fucking judge a person just by the slightest thing you see from the surface.
you dont have the rights, because your personality wasnt even good to start with.

a gentle reminder,
do not think too highly of yourself.

Powerpack.

2009-11-14T03:55:00.002+08:00

"supper loving! hahah.

last minute decision to head down to double o.
TO EAT BA KUT TEH.
actually it's not very nice la. but just got the urge, so went to eat!
and that's the only bak kut teh i know that's open at midnight.
HAHA.

awesome!
bitched and chatted with cheng.
at first was really pissed and turned off with her,
AFRAID OF GOING TO NTUC TO WITHDRAW MONEY.
like ccb la, afraid simi lan.
but it turns out goody good good.
bak kut teh taste normal,
but company was kan orgasmic.

i read this somewhere recently -
'procrastination is like masturbation. u enjoy the process, yet at the end, u realized u got fucked.'
HAHAHAHA SIBEI TRUE SIA.

i really love cheng.
cos we managed to laugh non stop,
at her maggie mee order with her mother.
discussing about love life.
and bitching about some 贱货(s)
im happy cos she makes me happy!

anyway cheng!
i'll wait for u to pose as disgustingly as ** in clubs!
and be ** wannabe ok!
I WILL LAUGH AT YOU.
i really will.

gotta thank TU for driving us there,
and driving us back.
AWESOME.
TU has been driving me around alot.
thanks! ^___^
*give u fat smile*

im really happy.
should meet up with that bitch more.
provided she stop turning me off.

TURN ME ON LA CCB.
muacks.
lubx euu deep deep forevaz and evaxzxzx."

i love you babe! :D
more more more!!
some parts of the entry was deleted,
because i only wanna focus on the things she wrote about me!! lol ;p
bff xoxo!
really enjoyed myself teehee.
high high into the skyyyy!!

The unexpected.

2009-11-12T21:20:00.007+08:00

finally 4 theory lessons cleared! (:
happy ttm, i survived 400minutes in total!!

which means its one more step nearer to getting my license yay!

im like a pro now, tt explains the above pic (okay kidding -.-)
alot of money spend on cab fares just to get my butt down to bbdc to clear those lessons.

oh gosh! i think close to $150 :\

this is bad, needa control!!!

shopping is awesome!

especially with my mommy around hahaha.

we'll always eye on cosmetics, heels & bags. oopsyy!

so great to have a mom that has almost the same taste as me!! :)

today's friday,

actually it doesnt make a lot of difference, since im not working now.

everyday seems to be weekends :\ hahhaa.

argghhh something is getting on my nerves.

come on, stop testing my patience.

i dont want to know!!

ciaos.

tomorrow will be a even happier day!

& i'm so craving for subwayyyy!!!

dirty lil secrets.

Mad excited.

2009-11-11T18:29:00.003+08:00

driving lesson was super fun!
how i wish i can get the same instructor the next time round.
awww! ): i pray i pray lol!!
he's super nice & all, hahah can blabber any shit with you.
mad hilarious!!! at least i dont feel stress (:
however, the slots are so fully booked that my next lesson can only be on 15th dec.
wth!! that's like so long later ):
gonna top up my account again and block as many slots as possible!!
hahah sounds horribly kiasu but i really wanna get my license asap!!!! :D:D

well, im still thinking about tonight!! lol.
yes or no leh?
bahhh!!

i still have lessons tmr somemore.
2 more to go, 200mins.
nevermind, endureeeeee! :D

Meet me halfway

2009-11-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

lesson was fine, but 3 more to go!
100mins each, quick let me get this over & done with.
hahaa, cant wait to get started :D
well, lesson 2 tmr, hope it will be interesting hehhee.

short & sweet meetup.
but you made me waste alot of money roaming around cwp just waiting for you!!!
still, i love you cousieeeeee :D
meet up again soon!!

lastly, i believe i can get my bag, my wristlet and the specs!
I BELIEVE! lol :\

xoxo.
ciaos.

Deep thoughts

2009-11-10T21:37:00.004+08:00

life is really unpredictable.
we have to learn how to cherish things around us.
i believe many have already realised that things around us keeps changing.
well, the constant thing in life is change, isnt it?
sometimes the only choice left, might just be, to adapt.
when we finally come to the day that we know we've brave through it,
that's how we see ourselves as a much stronger person.

Awesome much?

2009-11-08T23:20:00.000+08:00

seriously i dont know.
let's see.

dayout with emily - AWESOME.
bag sold out - BOO
wristlet sold out - BOO
specs doesnt fit - BOO
forgot to get protective cover for ipod - BOO
still cant decide which item to get (1/2/3) - BOO
cant find the pouch i saw in store on the website - BOO
dinner with xoxoxo - AWESOME
supper with melissa - AWESOME
bumped into Tristan & Reece - INTERESTING
driving lessons tomorrow - GREAT
planned meetup with stupid cousin Roy - FINALLY

okay,
you decide.
awesome much?
well, at least it was pretty fruitful.

42 - 22 = 20

2009-11-07T22:26:00.005+08:00

i'm just doing you a favour,

it doesnt mean anything.

anyway, i'm so looking forward to see emily babe & xoxoxo tmr :D

totally, especially after so long!!

yay yay! :D

PARTY GIRLS

PARTY GIRLLSSSS :D

-
"When it comes down to it,
I let them think what they want.
If they care enough to bother with what I do,
then I’m already better than them."

So close to my heart.

2009-11-06T18:25:00.008+08:00

never miss cousin's bonding session, totally true.

time spend with them always makes me feel good.

i really need to emphasize, 'always' (:

it gets so crazy all the time, stomping grounds etc.

i love all of you to the core.

thank you babygirlssssss hehee.

my sister's keeper - 5/5! (:
go catch it but its really a cry-fest. haha.
silly but true, 4 of us were apparently sitting all the way at the back, sobbing lol!!

tonight or tomorrow?!
oh gosh.

still, i am so looking forward to the weekends
yayness!
hope everything goes well & we're so gonna rock it down lol! :D

take a breathe, take it deep.

2009-11-04T21:59:00.008+08:00

you can feel my heart beating.

as those lights flashes through my eyes,

im wondering about life.

have i seen enough of sunrise?

so many wont have the chance to say goodbye,

but its too late, too late to think how you walk my life.

if i was a mistake, i hope i was your favourite.

All mixed up.

2009-10-30T22:22:00.007+08:00

few days back, it was sucha happy day.

(new hair colour, great bonding, smooth sessions.)

2days ago, luck was on me.

(finally passed!, a surprise, an unexpected good news)

ytd, it went all wrong after lunch.
(changes, adaption, issues left unsolved)

today, it gets all emotional.
(touched, sweet, love&concern, so unwilling to leave, thankful, misses etc)

& the rest of the days, shall be spent focusing on things that needs my attention.
needa get it done asap,
needa recover :)

life is too short to be anything but happy!!!

很开心!!

2009-10-26T23:18:00.000+08:00

fruitful, i like.

no pain, things went smoothly for today's session.
new look, however, doesn't please everyone, but definitely personality won't change.
new experience, giving maths solutions for about 3hours or so, hope it helped babe!

this is the first time where pappy, bro & me sat down together to talk about my future.
this is the first time i feel so comfortable talking about it.
this is the first time i feel i'd all their support.
this is the first time i feel so firm about what i want.
this is the first time i feel i'm living for a purpose.

i'm glad ive grown up.
well, maybe sometimes i might be fickle-minded, a lil lazy & dependent on people.
but this time, i am really glad.
i wanna take a bigger step.
i'm gonna be disciplined.
i've got a new direction in life :D

driving lessons here i come!
physio sessions to make me feel better!
uni uni here i come!!
more money come rolling in! :]

really feel so happy.
hopefully i'll still be driven as day passes by :D

as i bring back the memories.

2009-10-25T23:19:00.006+08:00

i realised i am missing so much stuffs.
i miss my long-silky-straight hair, my tan-line, my slightly better complexion.
i miss that glow, that smile, that healthy look.
i miss my friends whom i have lost touch with.
gosh!

i still remember how i first started to dye & highlight my hair.
because someone said, its always good to be versatile.
well, i really like that new look back then.
i still remember what's the first thing i did when i'm done with my hair.

as i slowly look through the photos (taken regardless with whoever),
wow, i'm pretty glad that i'm a camwhore.
because at least, it did capture down all the moments that's once so dear to me.

enough with those thoughts (:
don't worry, i'm fine.

money money fall from the sky please!!
i really needa control myself from browsing through those online shops.
its killing me! hah.
money for daily expenses, driving lessons, bag/wallet, study expenses, 21st party
i so need to save!!!!

well, but as much as i say i wanna save,
tmr i shall go have a new haircut & do a fresh set of highlights before/after my physio (: & then off to Carrie's place for tuition.
yes that should be it!! i'm looking forward.
its time to pamper myself & make myself happy! :D

lastly, i love my familyyyy ttm!
eating durians & laughing at silly stuffs with pappy today is l.o.v.e!

off to continue watching the match hehe.
whoooooo liverpool is leading!
bet my carrie babe & family are screaming hooray! lol.
however, on the other hand, my brother is going crazy. accept the fact that man utd is gonna lose!!!! ;p

ciaos,
goodnight all.

Living life the way i want it to be (:

2009-10-20T23:51:00.005+08:00

decided to blog heh
everyone's asking me what's wrong with the recent post, fb status & tweets.
well, im fine & am already over it.
thanks to those who showed concern!

these few days were tough.
but at least i'd a happy weekend (:
met the botaks & emily, loves.

& today's the happiest day of my week so far.
swimming with my nieces yay!
they're so adorable! hehhe.

short post,

xoxox.

i've had enough.

2009-10-20T01:04:00.001+08:00

MIND YOUR BLOODY OWN BUSINESS.
USE YOUR BRAIN TO THINK.
BUT THAT IS IF YOU EVEN HAVE ONE.
PISSED.
DONT ASSUME BECAUSE YOU KNOW NOTHING.
AND I DONT NEED YOU TO FEEL HAPPY FOR ME.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
BUT JUST, STFU.

Why.

2009-10-17T13:07:00.000+08:00

the lyrics is awesome!

Playing with fire

2009-10-17T12:17:00.002+08:00

3hours of sleep.
totally insane.
amazed how i dont feel tired at all.

fly, flew, flown away.
6, 42, 1008.
woah.

skinny, i know.

sometimes i do dislike passerby(s) commenting so loudly with damn exaggerating voice, "wah so skinny lehhh"

sounds as though i'm a freak -.-

vroom vroom.

):

2009-10-15T07:36:00.001+08:00

why do i always fall sick? ):
why do i always take so long to recover each time i fall sick? ):
why why why!
i'm so upset, sigh.

take it easy on me

2009-10-14T16:05:00.004+08:00

i feel so sick now.
so much things to do.
but all left undone.
guessed i havent push myself enough.
well, shall concentrate on getting well first then (:

need a short escape, seriously.

okay 2 nice songs to share (:
ciaos.
cant wait to get well soon!
& rock my weekends, xoxo.

-
i threw it away.
because it withered, just like us.

Up above.

2009-10-11T15:55:00.000+08:00

70th storey (:

a new experience.

okay, something random.

im thinking what colour should i paint my room's wall.

mom bought me a bedroom set that comes with a dressing table, closet, & a bed frame.

bro chose it, hahah i hope i can trust his taste seriously.

i cant wait to have my own room, where its gonna be neat and all.

but on a sidenote, im really gonna miss my bro & family esp my nieces. ):

still, i want my room to look pretty pretty (:

was thinking a brown & pink theme, lol.

okay too early to think about all this hahaha.

just like its too early to plan for my birthday, but i already have some idea ;p

actually i should be studying now, bahhhh.

lost the drive, but no worries, i will still study in the end.

well, i know my brother meant well.

but being me, i choose to just listen to the good things. oops!

no worries for this as well, i know what i want in life actually.

just need some time (:

& lastly, happy advance birthday to you!!! (:

one last thing before im off to study.

im craving for yoshinoya's beef bowl & subway!!! ;p

alright,

ciaos.

xoxox.

guilt

lucky to be in love with your best friend.

2009-10-08T16:56:00.003+08:00

i was bored.
so i chanced upon this lady's blog,

i know its random.
but just felt like sharing a lil :]

i so love her personality.
she seems perfect to me.
her life, her career, her everything.

her boyfriend/best friend.
came over to sg for a project on filming/shooting etc.
they fell in love, so deep.
had the foundation of trust, understanding.
but he only had 30days in sg.
they spend it like everyday was their last.
how sweet isnt it.

the saying goodbye part will definitely be heartbreaking.
but i guess, that 30days have made a great difference in their life.
could feel from the way she blogged.

at least she kinda made me believe that maybe, true love does exist :)

on a side note, im still feeling unwell.
okay time to rest.

SO CUTE!!! (:

2009-10-06T20:04:00.001+08:00

sam loves subway too!
so cute right lol.
and please dont comment that i look like my brother :\

SWEET, OR WHAT.

2009-10-06T18:05:00.002+08:00

LOL!

this is how you remind me

2009-10-06T17:47:00.000+08:00

that i'm drowning.
its taking all of my energy.

can i have my poly admin card back? ):
why am i so silly? bahhhh.

& ive predicted that my phone bill this month gonna boomz!

wish me luck seriously lol.

needa get back that glow & radiance soon!

maybe the day when they bump into me, i was just too tired.

okay trying too hard to comfort myself :\

but at least, im living life happy.

heheee, gotta get more sleep thats all.

on a sidenote, this is how M look forward to weekends.

hilarious & it made me laugh lol!

"Today's tuesday which means tomorrow's a wednesday, the day before thursday; and then friday, the next day before SATURDAY! hahaha weekend!"

piccas,

so true.

2009-10-06T01:56:00.001+08:00

"Sometimes, there are things in our life that aren’t meant to stay. Sometimes, change may not be what we want. Sometimes, change is exactly what we need. And sometimes, saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you’ll ever have to do, but sometimes, saying hello again is the thing that breaks you down and makes you more vulnerable than you ever thought possible. Sometimes, change is too much to bear. But most of the time, change is the only thing saving your life. "

here i am.

2009-10-04T19:27:00.005+08:00

glow glow glow with adrian! (:
that's the theme for it, so everyone had a light stick !!!
happy birthday gay boy! lol.
hope you like the gift and all k!
good luck with ns too!!

tanning was great!
but i think should stay longer under the sun heheh.
well, a happy & fun weekend! :D

more piccas with vivi (:

loves.

cant wait to visit baby chanel.

yay yay! :D

xoxo.

ciaos.

thank you tsh (:

release me

2009-09-28T23:38:00.002+08:00

lesson was fun.
physio was quite nonsensical
ljs was yummy
movie was great

that sums up my day
more happy days to come yea! (:
need to save money gosh!

please let me get the boards tmr,
pleaseeeee pleaseeee pleaseeee heh.

goodnight all!
820 820 820! hehee.
nights.

-
that status made me recalled alot.
why, i asked.
i guessed, its the same old reason we're talking about here.

till we say our next 'hello'

2009-09-27T23:01:00.010+08:00

on a friday night (:

ugly truth is nice (:
hhehe you guys should watch it!!

good luck to me for my 1st driving lesson tmr.
good luck to me for tmr's physio, no pain please!

12th oct, if i fail again i shall go bang wall.

was discussing with mommy, bro and carrie in the noon about my birthday party next year lol ! i know i know its like way too early to even think about it.
but i really got super excited earlier on, gosh wished its just tmr oops.
21st leh ;p
really hope to have a memorable one hehehe.

anyway, the more i think about how people try so hard to get into other's social circle, the more i feel disgusted about it. wonder what's their problem seriously. okay im not trying to be mean but just cant imagine why some people just wanna try so hard :\

overdued piccas,
heh.

♥

okay i needa wake up at 930 tmr,
time to sleep (:
nights.

before the worst.

2009-09-26T16:48:00.004+08:00

the answer for my previous entry shall be,

" SHOULD NOT! "

i'm going broke.

guess the pay that came in wont even allow me to survive for a week.

wished daddy can sponsor my driving lessons.

but i think its quite hard since ive already started to earn my own money.

gosh, cant imagine i didnt save at all throughout this 3mnths.

how now brown cow.

need to have a saving plan!

oh well.

money drop from the sky please! lol.

fishhead curry yum yum.

steamboat yum yum

beancurd yum yum

chong pang nasi lemak yum yum.

swensens yum yum.

lol.

i really hope i can gain more weight!

lastly, i love you eils!

dont be upset anymore!

xoxox.

linger linger linger (:

2009-09-24T15:33:00.003+08:00

its been awhile since I drank this (:
miss the taste of it,
missing something else as well.

should I or should I not?

i wanted you

2009-09-23T15:27:00.003+08:00

blogging from my phone now while waiting.
cool!
but not cool, after failing the test again.

nice one.
tried cheering myself up,
bought ice cream, fries, 2cans of ice lemon tea.
still, the sulky face stays.

what to do.
still gotta keep trying.

wonder what will happen if that bus really hit me earlier on.
i think my soul must be floating around somewhere that i didnt notice the bus.
gave the driver a shock,
and of course, i was stunned as well.
if i really met with an accident just because i failed my test, i think i will curse myself.

okay lah, no point getting upset anymore.
book next test, and start practical.
go go go! fighting!

im so afraid of physio out of a sudden.
it doesnt always soothe the pain, except for heat therapy.

lastly, thank you to those who tried to cheer me up!
esp bff, seow, tsh & M (:
will reply all of your msgs when i finish this post :]

alright bye.
smile, i will try (:

back on track (:

2009-09-22T22:54:00.004+08:00

im supposed to study,
but let me side track abit first okay? :p

happening facebook profile!
me love ♥
of course, not those comments but my cousins! :)

i cannot stop laughing about "WHAT TO DO"
& of course, "FRIED RICE"
lol lol inside joke!

i just love my family to the core seriously!
hehehe.

angeline's wedding day was great!
flea titan 3 was great too! :]
the stayover session after flea was even better!
so much crazierrrrrr & etc!
loves loves loves.
view the piccas over at my fb! :D

painted my nails.
looks quite delicious now lol.
& i still think ah-pooh can make me smile (:

alright, back to study.

okay wait, maybe i should have maggie & durian first.

i know its a weird combination.

but who cares ;p

im getting all hype up!

looking forward to my activities this week! :]

but most importantly, i need to pass my ftt & find a instructor lol.

loves.

xoxo.

shattered

2009-09-21T23:13:00.006+08:00

i'm at a loss of words.
tell me how do i convey
dont do this to me.

melt, melted (:

2009-09-16T22:59:00.006+08:00

my colleagues are the reason why i wanna stay longer over at my workplace (:
esp AA, MK, LXL, LYY!
i cannot mention enough of them.heheee.

im super touched by AA.
i was on leave on monday, because i wasnt feeling well.
she wrote this, ♥ ♥ ♥
so sweet!

when i went back to the office this morning, thinking that its gonna be my last day, i saw this on her partition!

couldnt help it, but took a picture of it! heheh.
a moment ago, she sent me an mms. showing me another picture that she handmade.

gosh, how can i not love her!!
thank you so much! :D
i really appreciate it alot! lovessss.

finally solved one issue hehee.
now its time to priotise my stuffs properly and manage my time well! :]
hehehe, shall not get stress up anymore.

now its time to focus on work, since ive decided to extend it,
i shall try my best not to be late, 820am yo! :D
& my practical lessons especially, but first i needa source for a good instructor ;p

busy busy busy!
but i like it.

cant wait to drive
and cant wait for all the upcoming events.

xoxo.
time to sleep (:

):

2009-09-15T23:36:00.002+08:00

stress please go away.
i need peace !
arghhhh.

no amount of effort can keep it alive, anymore.

2009-09-15T14:25:00.011+08:00

it gives me a kind of satisfaction when i know i can make others smile.
i carry a smile on my face,
hoping that the ones around me feels happy,
even when i'm upset.
i thought it doesnt matter.
but at times, i wonder,
who appreciates?
it makes it harder each time,
when i know this lil effort of mine is being chunked aside.
i want to step back, stop being the giver, stop thinking for others.
but yet, i cant bring myself to do that.
its impossible to please everyone i guess.

(credits to carrie)

granny collected my dress, now it looks perfect.
really appreciate her helping me to collect it, at least i dont have to rush here and there esp with my stomach getting upset.

impromptu decisions are really cool.
i mean, its unexpected & fun isnt it?
just like dying my hair, dinner with M, supper with bff ♥ & ah hui.

today i woke up with an upset stomach again ):
gotta be a good girl tonight, so at least i can be there with the rest tmr to spend my very last moments in cpf. not forgetting, the 820am morning walk :)

well, tmr's my last day at work.
will really miss them, esp AA & MK & LYY & LXL!
i am having mixed feelings now, seriously.
when i first started work, i dread waking up early every morning.
now that i'm leaving, i wished i could stay a lil longer.

this is us, human-beings.
we always contradict ourselves.
isnt it?

lastly, i wanna thank you,
for always initiating to ask me what went wrong & constantly reminding me not to be emo.
i guess you know who you're, dont you? (:

i need to rush over to collect carrie's heels
& home again to rest.

ciaos.
xoxo.

already gone

2009-09-14T13:42:00.003+08:00

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

-

2009-09-14T01:57:00.005+08:00

HAUNTING.

joy & laughter :]

2009-09-13T23:56:00.003+08:00

i really dont care how people think of me,
because i know myself best (:

shopping is love!
a pair of heels, nice dress and cardigan! :D :D

im a happy kid today because ive been to the zoo!
snap piccas all i want, etc etc!
the animals were damn cute!!!!
mac's hotcakees for breakfast! & i certainly ate alot today!
i feel so woah! satisfied! :)
tired, but it was a fun-filled day! memorable heh.
luckily the weather still turn out well after a heavy pour :D

need to postpone my physio to next week.
gosh im so busy!
think its driving me nuts but yet im still loving this packed schedule.
awww okay contradicting ;p
so much things left undone for cousiezxz wedding, so last minute hah.

after angeline's wedding, guess i will have more free time already.
hahah my to-do-list most of it has some relation to her wedding day ;p
but im so looking forward !
gonna camwhore like mad & look pretty ;p
bliss bliss bliss.

overdue piccas,
i love them! (:
xoxoxo pics to be up soon!

live life with no regrets (:

2009-09-12T14:02:00.004+08:00

(credits to carrie)

i wished to turn back time.
maybe then,
i would have gotten the jacket, the longchamp bag, study harder for my ftt and pass it, and wouldnt have strained my back.

okay i'm not emo or anything.
just feel this week isnt going too smooth for me.
but still glad ive gotten my pdl (:
shall look forward to a brand new week!

meetup with w66p was loveable!
the friendship is here to stay, loves.
sorry that i'd to leave early, hope you guys enjoyed the night (:
reuben, good luck for ns k! take care in there!!

beth's birthday celebration was awesome too minus off the later part.
heh. but we all know we still had fun with the companion of everyone yea! :D
bonding, laughters, camwhoring, etc etc.
so dont have to feel bad k beth beth (:
lovesloves.

will post photos soon (:

lastly, eils babe, please rest well!
will come visit you later. loves!
thank you for the lovely flower hair-clip too! :)

xoxo.

Mai Mai Kor Ruk

2009-09-11T02:25:00.000+08:00

thi rak

2009-09-11T02:24:00.002+08:00

Open this heart with love

2009-09-11T00:37:00.003+08:00

this week is a bad week ):
whatever i wanna get, i cant get it.
the jacket, the longchamp bag, etc etc
sighhhhhh.why like that!

'nice right?!?! ' ):

feels damn grumpy
i think im tired.
arghhh whatever.

but still thankful that i met up with emily, seow & shaun! :]
as well as a few days ago, i did manage to eat meatballs over at ikea! :D

experienced a love story came true on 090909.
vicki's bf deliberately waited for 09:09am to propose to her!
so sweet right? hehe. bliss!
btw the below pic is madeline though ;p
all of them wanna hint their husbands lol !

& thank you AA for treating me so nice, really damn touched! hehhe.

took off for tomorrow!
must pass ftt hhehe.

i cant wait for dress down down down on sunday. lol.
zoo zoo zoo. fun fun fun :D
& i cant wait to meet my polymates tmr as well.

&&,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST BETH BETH!
SEE YOU TMR TOGETHER WITH THE REST!
CANT WAIT!!
XOXOXO.

gosh, just realised my cousin's wedding day is approaching.
got so much to prepare.
needa alter my dress, paint my nails, get a new hairdo lol
yay cant wait too!!!

alright ciaos.
nights (:

-
try to understand how i feel.
really need to see some appreciation.