4am in the morning,

yes i am still up.
however, i feel so much better now, as compared to those emotions i was having 2 hours ago when i wrote that previous entry.

whatever i am going to share is going to be something personal.
if you're not interested, i suggest you stop reading starting from this point :)
i dont need nasty comments, but if you've positive ones to share, you're definitely welcome :)


i thank god that ive an elder brother.
he always make me understand & see things from another perspective.
i dont deny sometimes i really dislike sitting down to talk about my future because i always end up giving them a standard answer, & that is "i am still not sure".
now, i dont dislike it as much anymore.
i know what i want, & i definitely know who is on my side.
i am still taking things slowly at a step to ensure that that's what i really want, but at the same time keeping in mind not to use this as an excuse to waste anymore precious time.

well, some people only came to realise what they really want when they're 25 or even 28.
i'm only 20, still considered young, at least to me.
i should really spend time wisely to discover what i really want, isnt it?
it might take me years to discover it, however, while in the process of doing so, i would have already experience alot of different things.
i am sure i will certainly learn something out of it.

reality is harsh,
its hard to accept,
but you really have to find a way.

some learn it through the hard way, and i have to admit i belong to one of them.
i always thank you for making me realised ive neglect alot of things around me, esp kinship. as well as, knowing that ive not push myself enough to realise what i am capable of doing.
i do regret all the mistakes ive made, but i will never let it happen again.
i am taking this as a learning phase.


ever since that incident about poly selection, i realised a big change in me.
i wouldnt want to elaborate further, but thinking of it, its really pretty horrible.
i guess i was just too complacent.
apart from knowing more friends and maybe picking up some new skills during my poly times, i would say other than that, i have wasted 3years of my life.
i could have achieved a better gpa but, i didnt put in my best. (lesson learnt)

there's a great opportunity waiting for me in January & i really hope to see some achievements.
i want to call it my 'New Life'.
i know it sounds cliche, but i guess only my brother and some close friends understands what i meant by that.
its not about making big money, its just that i wanna see myself taking a bigger step to make decisions on my own and achieve something in my life.
i guess, its really important to grab hold of opportunities that are being offered to you.
it doesnt happen all the time, and so, this spirit should always be with you and that is 'NEVER SAY NEVER!' & 'NEVER GIVE UP!' :)

everyone needs a lil` push.
even if people around you doesnt supports you,
bear in mind, your kins will.
well, at least i am thankful that my family are my pillars of support :)
they're always there for me, full of encouragements.
this definitely serves as a form motivation, i swear :)
for now, and always, i am gonna put them first on my list.

life is very unpredictable.
you'll never know what's going to happen, so why not just live everyday as fruitful as possible?
i believed nobody will want to leave this world full of regrets, or even coming to realise that, you didnt make any worthy contributions in life.
am i right?


i really do cherish what i have now.
everything, every single thing :)
because i know i am so much more fortunate compared to some others,
& because i know how it feels to lose someone precious.
i wish that my grandparents can grow old with me, however i know its never possible.
because i understand that someday, everyone will depart from this world.
so i tell myself, as long as they're with me, i'll treasure them :)
at least when the day comes, i will have no regrets.

i really wish my brother and his family wont have to move out.
but i understand this is part & parcel of life, and i definitely am aware that this bond will stay as strong, and stronger as days passes us by :)


to end this post,
i just wanna say,
i love every single one of you that have left footprints in my heart (:
all of you will always be part of me (:
thank you for always staying by me, be it my family, cousins or friends.

xoxo.
♥