Low low low~

this is gonna be a self-reflection entry,
you can skip it if you dont feel like reading :)

i feel like im at the lowest peak of my life now, but seriously im aware that im the one who's making myself feel so miserable. well, life goes on i know, and i shouldnt dwell into this for too long. now i'm only hoping that from now till the 20th june, miracles can happen. i would really jump for joy, but the chances are quite slim. however, i am gonna have faith for one last time. on the other hand, i really have to be prepared to handle another round of setbacks.

yes, its an issue to prove how strong i am when such things happened.
true enough, i broke down.
this just proves that im still not strong enough.

its true sometimes there's a need for someone to be harsh on you before you can step out of your comfort zone. yes, it might be me that's taking way too slow to realise all this but sometimes i do really yearn for a lil comfort before any form of words were being thrown unto me. although i understand why sometimes such situation happens, i do still feel i deserve a lil better.

time & time again, i see things in a different prospect. i know its all for my own good, but im always not given a longer time to prove ive been trying and am willing to change.

i know what i want in life, i know there's a need for me to be determined, and i need to motivate myself. who doesnt have to enter this phase of life im facing now? i know definitely there're people out there who is feeling the same. but i havent show signs that ive given up, did i?

maybe i really have to learn how to counter situations like this when my plans dont go according to what i expected.
it isnt too hard to re-plan my stuffs,
all i need is settle my own emotions, i definitely know, i just need a tiny-whiny bit of time to chuck it aside.

its not about the companion of having someone to go to school with.
if thats the case, next intake i could still have my bff, so why do i get upset?

things i thought would happen didnt happen,
but i am still thankful for the words that woke me up from my self-denial mode.

the growing up phase isnt easy, but of course i am gonna fight through it.
school, work, money, driving license, emotions, setbacks, problems, balancing of life etc.

i thank god im seeing my girlies tonight,
cooling period for me as well.

i'm still hoping :)
i'll be fine, am already accepting it.


-
but what still upsets me is,
why do you have to hide your own feelings from me?
do i not worth your time to share it with me?
or i am just not the person you wanna share your sorrows with?
or is it that it wont make a difference sharing it with me or not?
then, the question is, what am i to you?
cant i be there for you?